Fulfillment After 50:
Build Your Dream in the Second Half of Life

Motivation

Greg has only been retired from his landscape business in Maryland for about 6 months. When he excitedly told Ernie and me about the wall building project he was doing at his house, Ernie said, “I did some home projects when I first moved here but when they were finished I found that, for me, there was nothing I was interested in doing. I wish I could find something. I tried volunteering but didn’t enjoy it. I play golf once in a while but it’s not that much fun anymore.”
“Mr. Positive,” Ernie went on to say, “When you finish that wall you’ll see that there is not a lot of interesting things to do here.”

“What are you going to do when you finish the wall?” I asked Greg.

That’s when he really lit up. “I’ve got a terrific idea for a business here. I’d like to get a dune buggy and take people out in the desert for tours to see the things they wouldn’t normally get to see here. When people come here they don’t get to see the real Arizona when they just stay in town.” He went on to expand on his idea which may or may not be a viable business but that wasn’t the point. He was interested and excited about his idea.

Ernie immediately came up with all the reasons why the business wouldn’t work.

Therein is the difference between aliveness, fulfillment and enjoyment in the second chapter of our lives and the ennui of marking time and not finding anything “interesting to do.”

As I listened to my two friends I was reminded of the couplet from my childhood, “Two men looked out from behind prison bars, one saw the mud the other the stars.”

Let’s ask ourselves some important questions in this phase of our lives. “Do I want to be a Greg or do I want to be an Ernie?” Am I motivated by the positive possibilities in front of me or do I make a practice of thinking of all the reasons why they won’t work? Do I have something worthwhile to get up in the morning for?” If you can’t answer these questions positively, you can enrich your life by finding your “Purpose.”
(See Chapter 2 in “Build Your Dream: 12 Essential Tools for Successful Living.”)

Success thought for today:

“Human beings want to have meaning.
They want to not wake up in the morning with a gnawing realization that they are fidgeting until they die.”
-Martin Seligman, University of Pennsylvania psychologist

* Note to regular readers of this blog. For the next several months I’ll be sharing my progress on my new book. Please feel free to offer suggestions as we progress.

Byron
www.byronethompson.com

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Fulfillment After 50:
Build Your Dream in the Second Half of Life

Motivation

I was having coffee with Ernie and Greg the other morning. We’ve played golf together a few times so there was a lot of the usual bantering and fun. I’d had coffee with Ernie on several other occasions and our conversation always, at one point or another, lapses into a dissertation on his part of how awful his life is. Ernie’s a retired builder who is bored with no interesting activities in his life. He’s not the only one I’ve interviewed for this book who tells a similar story. The thing that makes his story unique is he knows that he is pathetic (that’s his word). He made good money with his business and moved from Colorado to Southern Arizona for the good weather but now wants to move away to find something “interesting to do.” Unfortunately he, like many people around the country, would lose a lot of money if he sold his house so he feels trapped by his circumstances. He describes himself as the most negative person he knows other than a mutual friend of ours, who is worse. They both laugh and take delight in being so pessimistic about their lives. In so doing I can’t help feeling as though their reports conform to an old axiom of my mother’s:
“Many a truth is spoken in jest.”

I believe that our words are powerful and we get what we expect and verbalize to the Universe. I believe that “my life is awful” is a self-fulfilling prophecy. What we believe and talk about becomes our reality. It is a double-edged sword. We can and do motivate ourselves with our words. It is critical in this second chapter of our lives to choose our words carefully and motivate ourselves in the right way in the right direction.

Success thought for today:

“Words are… the most powerful drug used by mankind.”
-Rudyard Kipling

* Note to regular readers of this blog. For the next several months I’ll be sharing my progress on my new book. Please feel free to offer suggestions as we progress.

Byron
www.byronethompson.com

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Fulfillment After 50:
Build Your Dream in the Second Half of Life

Motivation

Patricia and I had dinner with Art and Terry Gould last Friday evening at their new residence at the Splendido Retirement Community. Art, who is approaching 90, never ceases to amaze me with his energy and enthusiasm for life.

I’ve talked about him before as being a model of the kind of ideal attitude one needs to live successfully and fully in the second chapter of their lives.

As we sat in their living room before dinner Art could barely contain his excitement about a new business venture that he is planning. With his eyes twinkling, he said; “I can’t tell you about it yet but it is going to be big.” Terry was just as excited and Art had to keep her from “spilling the beans” as he put it. This is the source of Art’s energy and enthusiasm. He is always looking to the future, setting goals and making plans. It keeps both of them forever young.

What goals and plans do you have today? What gets you up in the morning excitedly looking forward to the adventure of the day?

If we don’t currently have an answer for that question and we don’t have that kind of motivation it might serve us well to look for something that gets us excited. That’s where the joy of living comes from at any age.

Success thought for today:

“Life takes on meaning when you become motivated, set goals and charge after them in an unstoppable manner.”

-Les Brown

* Note to regular readers of this blog. For the next several months I’ll be sharing my progress on my new book. Please feel free to offer suggestions as we progress.

Byron
www.byronethompson.com

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Fulfillment After 50:
Build Your Dream in the Second Half of Life

Communication

Here’s what I’ve learned after a 40- year career of speaking and teaching others to communicate. They are valuable reminders and ideas to increase your communications effectiveness.

Here are some general rules on speaking and writing.
1. Small minds talk about people. Average minds talk about events. Great minds talk about ideas.

2. Happier people talk about substantive topics.

3. Just because it happened doesn’t make it interesting.

4. People are first and foremost interested in themselves. They are listening to radio station WIIFM: (What’s In It For Me?)

5. Have a purpose for talking. Remember your purpose. To Inform. To Convince. To Entertain. To (get) Action. A good way to remember the purposes are with the acronym; I Can’t Eat Apples.

6. Listen for meaning. "But far more numerous was the herd of such
Who think too little and talk too much." (Dryden)

7. Read, listen and observe to acquire significant information.

8. Find a common ground with your listeners. The Latin root of communications is ‘mutual participation or shared space’.

9. Identify and overcome the barriers to communications.

10. Check your ego at the door.

11. Be an effective questioner. (Ask in order to learn.) Why?

12. Understand the motives of others.

13. Tell the truth.

Success thought for today:

“There are four ways, and only four ways, in which we have contact with the world. We are evaluated and classified by these four contacts: what we do, how we look, what we say, and how we say it.”
-Dale Carnegie

Note to regular readers of this blog. For the next several months I’ll be sharing my progress on my new book. Please feel free to offer suggestions as we progress.

Byron
www.byronethompson.com

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Good News for Grandparents! 
Just in Time for the Holidays, give your grandchildren the gift of success and happiness this holiday season.

“Build Your Dream: 12 Essential Tools for Successful Living” is an inspiring, practical book to help them succeed in life by local author and motivational speaker Byron E. Thompson.

Society of Southwestern Authors, Santa Cruz Valley Chapter
Book Fair Special:  $15.95 for one/$29.90 for two
(Regular retail price: $19.95)

Meet the author at the Book Fair:
Saturday, December 3, 2011
1-4 pm

Valley Presbyterian Church
2800 S. Camino del Sol
Green Valley, Arizona

Free admission, open to the public.

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Fulfillment After 50:
Build Your Dream in the Second Half of Life

Communication

Why is it so important for us to consider communication, now, in the second half of life? We have presumably completed our careers and raised our families so it would seem we’ve entered into that phase of life where we have already dealt with our important communicating.

The need exists, however, because we’ve lost many of the components that were paramount in our thinking. Our children have moved on with their lives and don’t have the time or the need for us they did when they were dependent. We no longer have the stimulation that came from our work and the changes that are taking place so rapidly in every industry make it difficult for us to be relevant in work related conversations. When people are laid off in Great Britain they are said to be “made redundant” and they don’t consider that to be a pejorative. (I can’t think of anything I’d rather be than to be redundant. )

Perhaps we’ve moved or our friends have moved on to new locations so there is a need for us to form new friendships.

So it is best to remind ourselves if we’re to be relevant in new relationships and conversations that we need to become genuinely interested in others. We need to “join the conversation that is already going on in their heads” as Grael Norton, the marketing guru at Wheatmark, is fond of saying.

As an example I keep a note on my desk next to my computer to remind me of this important point as I’m writing this book. The note reads; “What does the 60 year old need to hear?”

In the next chapter we’ll visit this topic in great depth with some practical suggestions that you can use immediately.

Success thought for today:

“The royal road to a man’s heart is to talk to him about the things he treasures most. “
-Dale Carnegie

* Note to regular readers of this blog. For the next several months I’ll be sharing my progress on my new book. Please feel free to offer suggestions as we progress.

Byron
www.byronethompson.com

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Fulfillment after 50:
Build Your Dream in the Second Half of Life

Communication

My most important internal communications takes place early in the morning as I sit in my garden looking at the Santa Rita Mountains to the east. It is quiet around 6:30 a.m. as I sit enjoying my coffee and thinking. I think about all the things for which I am grateful. I think about what a privilege it is to live the life that I live. I think about the opportunity I have to use my unique talents to make a difference in the world in the day ahead. I do my planning for the day.

The important thing that I am doing is communicating with myself in a positive way. Out of those morning meditations I am frequently inspired to take positive action to achieve my major purpose in life.

As an example this past week I got the idea to talk to Herb Wisdom, owner of Wisdom’s Café here locally, about doing a training program for young people in the area based on my book “Build Your Dream: 12 Essential Tools for Successful Living”.

Herb is very involved in promoting youth activities in the area.

When I went to see him we came up with the idea of doing the program for his staff and that of The Italian Peasant Pizzeria in Tubac. We moved ahead with the program and I am conducting the kick off meeting at the Peasant on December 6^th.

The point of this is if we sit quietly and listen for the internal communications that are ever present we will get the guidance we need to achieve our goals and the success and happiness that accompanies them.

Success thought for today:

The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives.
-Anthony Robbins

* Note to regular readers of this blog. For the next several months I’ll be sharing my progress on my new book. Please feel free to offer suggestions as we progress.

Byron
www.byronethompson.com

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Fulfillment After 50:
Build Your Dream in the Second Half of Life

Communication

We can adjust our internal communications and make significant changes in our self image and behavior at any time in our lives. One of the most important experiences of this type that I had took place a number of years ago.

I was 35 years old and found myself dead broke and in debt due to a tendency to be self indulgent and wanting to enjoy “the good life” now. That wasn’t a problem as a single man but now I had a wife and two young children to support.

One day as I sat worrying about my seemingly insurmountable money problems I read a statement that turned my life around. “The chief cause of failure and unhappiness is trading what we want most for what we want at the moment.”

I knew I didn’t want to be dodging bill collectors all my life and what I wanted most was peace of mind and a freedom from financial worries.

I didn’t have a high paying job but I started saving 10% of every dollar I  earned before I paid any other bills. That one simple action increased my confidence in myself as a self-directed responsible individual. I never touched the interest I earned and reinvested those savings and the interest until I retired very comfortably 10 years ago.

I know that these are very difficult economic times but I believe the strategy of paying yourself first is as applicable today as it has always been. I found that I had to prioritize my spending and do without some things as I went through good times and bad but I wouldn’t trade the peace of mind I gained from that practice for any of the things I gave up.

I know now what I say to myself is worth listening to and monitoring.

I believe the same is true for you.

Success thought for today:

“Effective communication is 20% what you know and 80% how you feel about what you know.”
-Jim Rohn

* Note to regular readers of this blog. For the next several months I’ll be sharing my progress on my new book. Please feel free to offer suggestions as we progress.

Byron
www.byronethompson.com

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Fulfillment After 50:
Build Your Dream in the Second Half of Life

Communication

Of all our daily communications, the most important ones, I believe, are those which take place internally. What we say to ourselves can either tear us down or build us up. That inner dialogue takes place throughout our lives.

Caryn Hanson was a beautiful 25 year old young woman participating in one of my personal development classes. When she didn’t show up for the second session I went to see her to find out why. I was astounded at her reason and learned something that is valuable for anyone concerned with their mental health. She said, “I’m not as good as those other people. They are all so much better than I am.” When I reminded her of all of the positive qualities she had to be grateful for, including the fact that she had the looks of a fashion model, she said, “No I don’t, my neck is too long.”

In my forty year career of training and counseling men and women I found that we all have serious doubts about our positive qualities.

In the second chapter of our lives we start to ache a little more can allow our imaginations to question our health or overall fitness to participate in life.

The sure fire cure for this condition of poor self image is to do three things.

1. Make a list of your plus personal qualities. Those are things that are right about you and that you have to be grateful for.

2. Consciously develop the daily habit of reviewing and adding to that list. In other words, count your blessings.

3. Go into action and make those blessing count. Ask yourself; “How can I capitalize on those assets to produce more happiness for myself and others today?”

Success thought for today:

“Self-expression must pass into communication for its fulfillment.”

-Pearl Buck
* Note to regular readers of this blog. For the next several months I’ll be sharing my progress on my new book. Please feel free to offer suggestions as we progress.

Byron
www.byronethompson.com

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Fulfillment After 50:
Build Your Dream in the Second Half of Life

People

You and I have had heroes, those people who serve as positive role models, examples and mentors to us. I’ve been influenced and learned a great deal from my heroes and mentors.

You are also a hero or heroine. We’ve been on a heroic path and can use that experience to lead an even richer and more rewarding existence.
I mentioned mythologist Joseph Campbell in the People chapter of Build Your Dream: 12 Essential Tools for Successful Living. During his career he explored the myths of societies and civilizations throughout history and uncovers what he called “the one great story of mankind.” (For a wonderful overview of his life and his work read “The Hero’s Journey. Joseph Campbell His Life and His Work.”

With no disrespect toward the brilliant Dr. Campbell, I would like to present a simplified version of his conclusions for our use.
First, Joseph Campbell’s words:
“The hero ventures forth from the world of common day into a region of supernatural wonder; fabulous forces are encountered and a decisive victory is won; the hero comes back from this mysterious adventure with the power to bestow boons on his fellow man.”

My interpretation, in simple terms:
First, we all find ourselves at some point in our lives in a comfort zone. It is a place, not unlike the womb, where we are not stressed and life is simple. That place can be in any area, career, financial, spiritual or some other important realm of our lives. It is safe domain that gives us a sense of security.

Then comes, in Campbell’s words “the call to adventure” or as I call it, ”Constructive Discontent.” It is an inner urging that tells you there is something more for you to be and do.
Some resist it, tune it out and continue to live their lives of “quiet desperation” in Thoreau’s words.

The “hero” in us will not let us ignore the call. We wake up and draw on an inner courage that enables us to make the move out of that safe haven.
Second, we face obstacles and challenges that enable us to use strengths, creativity and resourcefulness that we had only previously suspected that we possessed.

Third, we are successful in our battle against those forces that would prevent us from victory. We would be inspired if we witnessed someone else doing the same thing.

Finally, we return to our everyday lives and, in many cases, are surprised that others are inspired by what we’ve done.

Success thought for today:

“There is what I would call the hero journey, the night sea journey, the hero quest, where the individual is going to bring forth in his life something that was never beheld before.”
-Joseph Campbell

* Note to regular readers of this blog. For the next several months I’ll be sharing my progress on my new book. Please feel free to offer suggestions as we progress.
Byron
www.byronethompson.com

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