Followers of this blog will know of my love/hate relationship with the cursed game of golf. Of all my vices it is the one I’d most like to be rid of. Or so it was until the events of the last few days.

My lifelong quest to break 100 came to an end yesterday. (For those of you who do not know anything about golf, I wanted to get better even though a score of 100 is really good. Many people shoot 200 or more! ) 

I finally got so disgusted that I broke down and took a lesson from Dan, the club Teaching Pro.
My usual method of preparing to play golf is to do what most amateur high handicap golfers do. I’d go out and hit a few drivers at the practice range then after spraying them all over, I‘d go out and shoot my usual 105 to 110.
I told Dan my problem and my frustration. He watched me for a few swings then made a couple of adjustments in my swing and made me practice those few critical movements, over and over.
Now, Dan has been playing and teaching for over 40 years so he did his preparation to work with duffers like me. I could go into a great deal of detail on what it takes to be a good teacher/coach but that’s not the point of this article.
I went to Dan this morning to give him a report on how well I did, (I didn’t just break 100, I annihilated it.)
I said, “You are a really good coach/teacher.”  I mean it. I think he is good at analyzing a golfer’s game and then focusing on the few fundamentals that will bring about the most improvement in the shortest possible time.
I wanted to give him some positive feedback because I know, like most teachers, he doesn’t get the credit he deserves.

He was appreciative of my praise but immediately turned it on me. “It’ not my teaching it’s the student. You listened and practice what I told you to do. Most golfers don’t.” Then he said something I think we can all use. He said, “Don’t let anyone tell you that you are not coach-able.”

I felt really good getting that confirmation that I could still listen and learn.
The question for all of us is what would your coach or teacher say to you? Would he or she say that you are coach able, still capable of learning, capable of preparing yourself for the next new adventure in your life?

Success thought for today:

“Be always displeased with what thou art, if thou desirest to attain to what thou aren’t not.”
-St. Augustine

Byron
www.byronethompson.com

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I said yesterday that a picture is worth a thousand words was true as far as it goes. There is at least one step beyond that as it relates to our discussion on preparation.

Let’s use my example of my watercolor, “Desert Magic”, a painting of a cactus in bloom.
You must see it to appreciate it. I could not do it justice by trying to describe it with words; visit his website to see more examples of Peter Chope’s artistry. Seeing it is not enough. I live here in the Arizona desert and am able to see the actual cactuses in bloom.

When Patricia and I were out for our morning walk a few days ago I passed a blooming Barrel Cactus in a neighbor’s yard. I went over to admire it and bent over to enjoy it’s fragrance and felt the texture of the leaves. In other words, I experienced the cactus. I had a greater sense of it because of my more involved sensory experience of it.
I was not preparing myself for anything but it did remind me that the more involved we are in our subject the more complete is our understanding and appreciation of it.

You know from the kinds of experiential training programs you’ve participated in that we learn by doing.
The lesson from this experience is the best way for us to prepare ourselves for any new activity is to get our hands on it and learn by doing.

What are you working on in your life right now?
Are you studying it?
Do you have a plan to prepare yourself to perform with excellence?

Success thought for today:

“The best of all teachers, experience.”    
-Pliny The Younger

Byron
www.byronethompson.com

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Last Friday when I told you about Sam Ackerman the creative designer, I closed with a quote attributed to Confucius; “A picture is worth a thousand words.”
I believe that’s true as far as it goes.
 
I like pictures. I like art. I have a number paintings and photographs  hanging in my house.
My latest is a beautiful watercolor hanging in my den. It is an original by local artist Peter Chope called Desert Magic. Peter is much admired for his ability to capture the beauty of the desert on canvas in exquisite detail and vivid color. His paintings are a marriage of his deep feelings for his subject matter and the years of preparation that went into making him the artist he is today. He has spent years honing his craft both prior to owing and operating his ad agency in San Francisco an since turning over to his son Chris in 1997.

Peter lived and studied in San Paolo, Brazil then moved back to the San Francisco Bay Area and he graduated from the Chouinard Art Institute in Los Angeles. He went to San Miguel de Allende, Mexico and studied under Jim Kosvanec. He took classes from other well-known artists in Greece, France, Wisconsin and California.
While doing all of this studying he painted and developed his own unique style.

Peter engaged in what Geoff Colvin called “deliberate practice” in his inspiring and enlightening book, “Talent Is Overrated.”
You need to read his book to get the full explanation of Colvin’s thesis, but in layman’s language, Peter Chope “paid his dues”.
He prepared himself so that he could produce on canvas the beauty he saw in his mind.

Whatever goal we have at whatever stage we are in life, it is well to remind ourselves of the importance of proper preparation.

Success thought for today:

“I will prepare myself and someday my opportunity will come.”
-Abraham Lincoln

Byron
www.byronethompson.com

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 Sam Ackerman is a really interesting young professional. I first saw him photographing scenes from the plane with a stuffed animal in the foreground. You know like the TV commercial. He told me he has a young son and daughter at home and he sends the pictures to his wife so she can show them to his children. We met on the Chicago – Las Vegas leg of my ‘flight from hell’ the other week. You’ll recall on Wednesday I told you about meeting Nadia on the Washington DC – Chicago leg on my flight from Tampa to Tucson. I don’t know how Southwest was able to do it.
We then flew from Las Vegas to Tucson. The whole trip from the time we got up in Port Charlotte, Florida until we arrived home in Tubac, Arizona took 22 hours. That is the same amount of time it took us to fly from Barcelona to Tucson in April. You’d think it would be over but noooo. The final indignity was our luggage didn’t make it.  It reminded me of an old Ken McFarland joke.

Ken to ticket agent. “Could you sell me a ticket to Seattle and send my bags to Miami? Agent “Why no, we can’t do that.” Ken, “Why not? You did it last week.”
Ken went on to say; “With the airlines you have to accept the bitter with the sour.” He would have loved our latest adventure.

None of this has anything to do with Sam Ackerman. He is a talented creative designer supplying his clients with logos and or illustrations to give their sales message a dramatic punch.

As we talked and I told him about my work he was kind enough to share an interesting life review/planning idea with me. He illustrated it by drawing a river with its turns and changes. He said you could look back over a five-year period of your life as an example and look at high points (O) and low points (X). He suggested you color-code them with green for health, red for family, orange for career, as an example
In doing this one can learn from their past and plan for their future.
It dramatized for me an approach I can use as I am helping people to achieve their full potential.

With apologies to Sam for not being able to actually draw the river for you as he did for me. Perhaps you can draw you own illustration.
Note: this is similar to the Life Review exercise talked about in the Communication chapter of my soon-to-be-New York Times best-selling book; “Build Your Dream: 12 Essential Tools for Successful Living.”

At any rate, to view Sam’s portfolio log on to “Sam Ackerman Portfolio.” You can also visit Sam’s Cats to see the creative work he does on behalf of cats.

Success thought for today:

“A picture is worth a thousand words.”
-Confucius

Byron
www.byronethompson.com

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The question, I’m sure, must always come up, “Is it too late for me to get  started achieving my dream?”

Well don’t ask that of Hazel Soares, who received her Bachelor of Arts degree from Mills College in Oakland California last month at the age of 94.
Hazel’s daughter Regina Hungerford said, “We’re really amazed and very proud of my mom. The biggest thing that we can all learn is that we’re never too old.”
Hazel said, “There’s no reason why you could not go back. Some people do give up the idea or postpone the idea. It’s too late. It’s too much work. They may not realize that once you try it is exciting to go to school.”
Hazel didn’t follow through on getting her degree because she needed to get a better job although she hopes to work as a docent at a San Francisco Bay area Museum.

I can relate to her situation because I dropped out of college after my freshman year when I was 18 years old. More than twenty years later when I was already successful in business and didn’t need a college degree to get ahead, I completed my education and got my degree.

I found two things as a result of that experience. Because of the availability of the universities without walls concept of learning, where you can do the majority of your class work online, I was able to do it while working full time. Even though there was work involved and I had to make compromises in my scheduling, it was easier than I thought it would be. More importantly my self-confidence increased tremendously and I was able to take on bigger and more satisfying challenges.
Like Hazel, I felt a sense of satisfaction and completion. I felt also that if I could tackle and succeed at something as major as get my degree I could achieve any goal I set my mind to.       
One of the encouraging influences for me was watching my mentor Boo go back and get his MBA while working full time.

So I’d like to encourage all of us to continue to learn. Find a model you can emulate and let that serve as a goad to prod you on to becoming all you can be. It’s never too late. Ask Hazel Soares.

Success thought for today:

“Dear Abby, Do you think it is too late for me to go back to school? I’d be 50 years old in 4 years when I graduate. Wondering.

Dear Wondering, How old will you be in 4 years if you don’t go back to school?

Byron
www.byronethompson.com

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I was thinking about my conversation with Lee that I told you about yesterday and I thought about Nadia.
When I was flying back from Florida last week I sat next to an attractive young woman on the Washington DC to Chicago leg. (Don’t ask why Southwest Airlines thought that was the best way to get from Tampa to Tucson, Arizona.)

When I sat down, she was on the phone talking to presumably a friend in that unique manner that blacks use that I interpreted to be Ebonics, and I drew an erroneous conclusion about her and her background.
So, I was surprised to see she was reading Hill Harper’s book “The Conversation: How Black Men and Women can Build Trusting Relationships.” Naturally our conversation turned to literature and why she was reading this book. She said as a single black woman she was interested in the subject. As she spoke to me her vocabulary and her pronunciation was that of an educated person, which it turned out, was the case. She had a degree in nursing from Ohio State University and is a neonatal nurse in Washington.
She grew up in Cleveland as the youngest of five children, from a middle class family who placed a high value on education. Her siblings were also college graduates.

When I asked her what else she’ read recently, she said she’d just finished, Michelle Singletary’s; “The Power To Prosper: 21 Days To Financial Freedom”. It turned out that the high point in her life was her relationship with Jesus and becoming a nurse, which had been her dream from early childhood.Her low point was a three year failed relationship that caused her to run up some debt that she’d paid off.

It was obvious from what she said that she valued the influences of her family and her church in helping her to become the person who she is.   
She, like Lee, although separated by generations, geography and ethnic background, are people who set wonderful examples for all of us on the value of character in successful living.

Success thought for today:

 
“Character is a journey, not a destination.”
-Bill Clinton

Byron
www.byronethompson.com

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I called my friend Lee Straughan in Albuquerque yesterday and we talked about many things; friends, travel, health and what he is doing now.
“I don’t get around as well as I used to but I’m doing OK. I’m concerned about the government policies and the direction this country is going in. So I’m going to do what I can do on a local level to get things turned around.”
That didn’t surprise me, even though Lee will be 82 in July or August, depending on which of his multiple contradictory documents he chooses to use, he has always been an advocate for positive action in his life.

When I first met Lee back in 1975 he had been using his private plane to fly the governor of New Mexico around the state to assist in achieving his agenda.
He was working with me, as he did with other people at no cost all over the country, to help me become successful in my Dale Carnegie career.
You met Lee in the People chapter of my book. I said then and I still feel now that he is a remarkable man.
The one thing that everyone who has ever met Lee will say is he is a man of unswerving integrity. If he says he will do something you can consider it done. If he tells you something you can consider it to be true. Character is defined as moral or ethical strength and that would be an accurate description of Lee.
He serves as a positive role model for all of us in terms of what it means to live successfully.
I won’t go into all of his achievements here, you could and should read about him in “Build Your Dream: 12 Essential Tools for Successful Living”.

The important lesson he provides for me is that of being engaged honestly in worthwhile activity in order to lead a successful life. 

Success thought for today:

“Character and conduct shape each other.”
-Anonymous

Byron
www.byronethompson.com

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About a month ago I told you of my insight on retirement that led to the writing of my first book, the soon-to-be-New-York-Times-best-seller “Build Your Dream: 12 Essential Tools For Successful Living,” which is selling at an unbelievable rate.
You’ll want to go back and read or reread that post to give you the context of today’s message on successful retirement.
In brief, I said then that one could not just sit and do nothing and expect to be happy when they “retire”.
I can save; those of you are looking ahead to what used to be called “gold watch day” or retirement, some time.

Let’s redefine our post-career activities to that of “semi-retirement.” 
As I mentioned in that May 24th post, while sitting enjoying my retirement, I developed an itch that wouldn’t go away until I sat down and started to write.
That was eight years ago and a few evenings ago I came to an updated conclusion that I think will be useful for anyone retired or getting ready to retire.

I was sitting on my patio on the first fairway of the Tubac golf course behind my house, gazing at the sun setting on the beautiful Santa Rita Mountains, sipping a glass of Pinot Nero fine Italian wine. (You must think all I do is sit, think and drink wine. That is not true. Sometimes I write.)

As I sat reviewing the day’s activities I felt a deep sense of satisfaction. I had completed an important writing project and done several other things that had caused me to feel as though I’d been productive for the day.
There was no sense of discontentment from not making a contribution or feeling that something was missing.
It is possible that my solution will not be your solution. I know some people have a higher tolerance for inactivity and may be able to just sit and smoke a pipe or whatever. Others may require more activity than I do and certainly each of us has our own definition of what constitutes meaningful activity. 

Success thought for today:

“Successful retirement is having something to do, that gives one the feeling of being productive.”

Byron
www.byronethompson.com

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I was talking on the phone to a businessman recently and he was telling me how bad his business was. I asked him why he felt that way and he went into a well-rehearsed and deeply felt diatribe against the government of his country, how bad the economy was and how his customer base had been shrinking even though he was running an outstanding business. He said “We’re providing great products at competitive prices but our customers are not buying.” He was miserable and found company in a couple of other Negative Nellie types that he lunched with every week.

It brought to mind my friend Kevin Crone, who runs the Dale Carnegie operation for most of the country of Canada. He is operating in the same economy as every other country in the world and his business is off but instead of “cursing the darkness” he is “lighting a candle” in the form of his weekly email designed to help his customers be more successful. 

His upbeat helpful advice each week is providing a real customer service to his clients and he is benefiting by using his highest and best skills to make a difference in his world. How is he able to do it in light of difficult business conditions?

I’ve known Kevin for over thirty-five years, and good times and bad I’ve never known him to lose his passion for his business. I believe that’s what kept him going and contributes greatly to his peace of mind and his happiness.
I believe it will do the same for us.

Success thought for today:

“Opportunity is still everywhere! Success is not the key to happiness.  Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful. You can be good at what you are obligated to do or you can be unstoppable and what you aspire to do. We can have it all. Great life – hobbies – family – health – business – career.”
-Kevin Crone, CEO K.D. Crone and Associates

Byron
www.byronethompson.com

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Yesterday I talked about the evolution of knowledge and the hierarchy culminating in wisdom. I do want to acknowledge that one’s definition of wisdom is more than a little subjective. I say this to head off my detractors who could interpret some of my ramblings to be those of a pompous ass.

The following is the wisdom in communications I’ve learned after a 40- year career of speaking and teaching others to communicate. 

Here are some general rules on speaking and writing.

1. Small minds talk about people. Average minds talk about events. Great minds talk about ideas.

2. Happier people talk about substantive topics.

3. Just because it happened doesn’t make it interesting.

4. People are first and foremost interested in themselves.  They are listening to radio station WIIFM: What’s In It For Me?)

5. Have a purpose for talking. Remember your purpose. To Inform. To Convince. To Entertain. To (get) Action.  A good way to remember the purposes are with the acronym; I Can’t Eat Apples.

6. Listen for meaning.

"But far more numerous was the herd of such
Who think too little and talk too much."  (Dryden)

7. Read, listen and observe to acquire significant information.

8. Find a common ground with your listeners. The Latin root of communications is ‘mutual participation or shared space’.

9. Identify and overcome the barriers to communications.

10.  Check your ego at the door.

11.  Be an effective questioner. (Ask in order to learn.) Why?

12.  Understand the motives of others.

13.  Tell the truth.

Success thought for today:

“You can no more say what you don’t know than you can come back from where you ain’t been.”

Courtesy of Jay Westrom,  restaurant owner/philosopher.

Byron
www.byronethompson.com

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